I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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