didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
