So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
