Barsexuality is the new black.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
