I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize