im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
