He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
