You just made me feel so damn special
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
