My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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