is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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