Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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