it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
