There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
