I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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