I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
