What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
