Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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