I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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