Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
