Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
