The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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