I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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