If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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