he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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