just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
