you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
