you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
