went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
