I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
