1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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