what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
