I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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