Dude my mom stole all your condoms
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize