it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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