My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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