i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
