I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
