I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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