I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize