Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
