i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
