sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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