You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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