Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize