he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
