i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
