brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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