I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
