I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
