i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
