i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
