butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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