That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
