Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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