I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
