I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
