Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
