Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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