Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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