We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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