Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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