I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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