just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
