My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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