gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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