Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
