did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
