There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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