i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
