I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
