we made out on top of his cat.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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