dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
