all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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