the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
