Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
