Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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