I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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