We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
