Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
