I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize