remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
