dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
