My hair reeks of homosexuality.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Houston, we have a blender
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
