just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
