I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
