I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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