I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
