And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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