i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
