Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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